I lived with my best friend Karine, and our other roommate Eri. We'd all gone to the same music school, but eventually Eri decided to move in with her boyfriend and his mom. Her boyfriend happens to be a really close friend of mine from music school too, Scotty. Anyway, Eri moved out, and this lady (Paula) moved in. We also happened to be housing an old friend of mine from school, but I wont name him, because things didn't end well with us. Oh, and my boyfriend at the time, Andi, was kind of living with us too. He had started to move his things in, and help pay for utilities and such, since he was basically always there, and basically living there. The five of us lived together fairly peacefully for a few months. Back to the story.
Because of my school mate, we ended up being burgled of a lot of money. More than a month's worth of rent. We live in Pasadena. Imagine how much that is. To this day, we still don't really know the real story. It may have been an inside job, or an accomplice, or maybe he was telling the truth. His story is kinda far fetched though, especially since absolutely none of our valuables or electronics went missing even though they were out in the open... Just the money was taken, so I don't know. Anyway, thanks to this, Paula's reluctance to pay the full amount of rent that she agreed to pay upon moving in, and our land-lady raising the entire building's rent by $275, we ended up having to get rid of Paula and my schoolmate.
We stayed another month after that, but the rent was way too much to handle between only Karine, Andi, and I.. So we decided it would be best to move out. We packed up all our stuff, moved them off to a storage unit we decided to rent, Karine and I ended up living in Scotty's mom's living room. and Andi moved back to his grandfather's place. On a side note, I guess this was a good idea for Andi. Things were very rocky with us. We both had problems, and though I don't quite know what his exact issues with me were, I know he had good cause. For me, the truth is that I just didn't quite feel love for him anymore the way he may have felt for me, and I felt like that was unfair to the both of us. I felt like I wasn't treating him as well as somebody else could. I found myself more often easily irritated by him. He didn't deserve that.
I wanted to give each of us a chance to maybe one day find somebody we could look at, and every single time just feel like "This is the right choice for me". We ended on a civil note, but stuff happened, his friends got really overprotective and outright attacked me, he became a victim, I became a villain, and a victim, and it wasn't civil anymore, and then it was, and then it wasn't... and it's kind of been cycling ever since, but much more peacefully. Anyway, where was I? Oh right, Karine and I were basically homeless... couch sleepers.
This was how November, December, and January passed. I transitioned from Andi, to Darren somewhere along the way. I used to be polyamorous, and anybody I intended to be involved with was warned long before they got involved with me. Just in case they decided it wasn't worth it. Darren is different. I want to be with Darren. Just Darren. Every time I look at him, I'm filled with pride and joy. Anyway, I'm not meant to be talking about my love life, but there you go. Moving on.
School started off nice and slow. I had few classes, and none of them are in the morning. Just how I like it. To make it better, I only had school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I came to school on those days for class at 1pm, and Latin class ending my school day at 9.30pm. Day's passed and I always came home late cuz I didn't like being in a home where I felt like a mooch. It wasn't my home, and I'd grown accustomed to living by own own set of rules. It's not like I lived with no rules before, they were just a completely different set of rules. Shared space vs Family home. Roommates vs Filipino mother. When I wasn't in class, I mostly spent time at TROPA (The Reunited Organisation of Pilipino Americans) to prepare for the PCN (Pilipino Culture Night), and when I wasn't there rehearsing till the sun went down, I spent time with my friends at the stairs and with Darren.
I suffered some loss that first half of the semester. First, I lost a friend. I called her my best friend, and she kinda felt like a little sister (even though she is older than me). I took care of her (maybe too much, too often), and one day I was so drained from the requirements of our friendship, I tried to force her to "grow up" much faster than she could handle. I admit, I got selfish, because I felt that she had been selfish, and I deserved a turn. We didn't talk for over a month. She feared me. In the end, some stuff happened, and I just lost all trust in her, and she in me. During all of that, something much worse took my soul and turned it cold. I got word from home that one of my close friends from school died in a car accident. This is the second friend back home in Africa that I have lost to a car crash since I moved here to America. I don't have the money for a plane ticket back, so I've never been back my entire 3+ years here. I cried so much during that time. It was the second time I never got to say goodbye.
I ended up dropping my Latin class because of that. I couldn't spend nights at school with the feeling of loss in my chest, and my teacher said it was okay for me not to come, because she understood. However that meant that I missed some really important Latin lessons. I couldn't keep up by the time I got back. It was pretty bad. That class was worth 5 units, and as an international student, I always have to take a minimum of 12 units per semester, but because I am financially unstable, and the cost of tuition for an international students at PCC is $280 per unit plus registration and health fees, I only ever take the minimum 12 units. I lost 5 of those 12 units, so I had to replace them. However, I dropped the class so late, I still had to pay for those 5 units on top of the minimum 12. I still owe the school money. Hopefully I can work it off over the summer. Odd jobs, of course, because international students are not legally permitted employment.
Anyway, I found some classes that started after spring break and took place over the course of the second half of the semester. I had to take a morning class, because that was one of my only available options. It ended up being kind of fun and interesting (but screw coming to school at 9am, agh, it was terrible). I was taking an accelerated honors speech class that only lasted the first half of the semester with this really really awesome Teacher, Josh Fleming, at the time. I decided to take his Argumentation and Debate class that would take place during the same time slot in my schedule, but during the second half of the semester.
I also auditioned for this play he was directing, and got cast. I'll tell you about that later in the story. I also auditioned for another play, Tennessee Williams' Summer and Smoke, to fill my last credit and got cast as an extra (Hey, you can't win em all, and I met some really cool, talented people. It was a really good experience). I also happened to be taking a choral choir class and so I ended up having a very very busy and stressful but overall productive semester at school. I was at school. I had two plays to rehearse for, a choral choir with two upcoming concerts, a morning class that had me at school before I had a chance for any real sleep, Argumentation and Debate class and cases, and TROPA's PCN practices on top of it all.
The plays ended up being amazing. I'm so proud to have been a part of Josh's play. "The Rape Show" was a performance art presentation that aimed to bring awareness to the terrible presence of rape culture, and especially its presence on college and university campuses. It's an issue that is close to my own heart, and it was very emotional to be a part of the cast. It was a heavy topic, filled with triggers and sensitive content. In the end though, I was so glad to have been a part of it. We spread so much awareness, and we also managed to help bring a certain amount of closure to rape victims who were a part of, or who watched the show. We rehearsed every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from noon for 2 and a half hours, and had 5 show days that were filled with emotion, anxiety, and pride.
PCN went great too, and my two choral concerts ended up being really fun. Summer and Smoke took up all of my evening. Every single day from Monday to Friday starting at 6pm, and ending late, sometimes around 11pm. We even rehearsed a Saturday or two before opening night. We showed for two weekends, Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday Matinee and Evening. It was tiring, and stressful, and grueling, even just as an extra. I can only imagine the stress the main cast and crew were going through. However, it ended up being a very good experience, and I met some fun people, and some very talented people.
Gosh just thinking about last semester make my brain tired, haha! Anyway, beyond school, last semester in February, I moved into this really nice apartment in Old Town Pasadena with an international student friend from my intake semester. It's been so stressful moving out of storage and into here... I have too much stuff, and it doesn't all fit. I've been trying to clean, but I need to start throwing things out or donating stuff or something if I intend to really get all this organized. Now that's it's summer vacation, I finally have time for it all. It's been a kind of uncomfortable situation, but I've gotten a little more comfortable here since school closed for summer.
Until now, I've mostly been spending the night at Darren's place. His parents love me. That makes me so glad. His mom is literally the kindest person I have ever known in my entire life. She is so sweet (even though she's diabetic - budum tssss - bad joke). His dad's kind of weird, and kind of inappropriate (I see where he gets it from, haha), but he's funny (in a dad way), and in the end, he loves Darren and really wants what's best for him, so I really feel honored that he considers me as something that's good for his son. His sister is really cool too. Jessica has been through a lot, but she has fought through it all, and she has a Masters' Degree, started off on a really good career path, and has really awesome musical taste. She's nice to talk to, and she understand my perspective when her brother and I have a disagreement. She's been having it real rough recently, but I'm routing for her... I wanna be there for her, but I feel awkwardly useless when she seeks me out for company or something.
Hopefully I can sort out as much as I can this summer. My life has kind of been all over the place, so I am trying to find focus, and Darren's presence in my life is really helping me. He's the exact opposite from me in almost every way, and it brings a lot of balance and perspective to my life. My mind has started forcing its way through the cage created by the combination of my ADHD and the way I was never raised to know how to do anything for myself. We're both really immature in certain ways, and really mature in others, but in the opposite aspects, and in a case or two, in the same aspect. We've brought an amount of balance to each other's lives, and I think we can be really good for helping each other grow. He's already started helping me start to grow out of my bad habits, sometimes. I would like to hope I can be good for him too, the way he is for me.
One last thing. Karine moved back to Norway this month. I'm so sad. I miss her. This is also one of the reasons I have so much stuff... She gave me all her stuff when she left O.o Anyway, I've lost my train of thought again xD Damn. Next time!
Without Wax,
Ma5y ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment